Christians are straight up FREAKS
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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