I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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