you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
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well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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