We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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