Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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