I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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