My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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