if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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