Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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