I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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