She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We need to get me chipped asap
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize