Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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