Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
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Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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