My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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