his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize