Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize