the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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