When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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