i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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