I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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