you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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