nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize