omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
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i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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