He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
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The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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