tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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