i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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