I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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