I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize