i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
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more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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