i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize