Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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