I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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