just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize