her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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