I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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