U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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