apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
pop tarts are not kleenex
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize