I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize