It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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