u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
bring money and cleavage
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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