I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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