Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize