i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize