I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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