Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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