Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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