and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize