Someone shit on the floor
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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