so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize