Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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